Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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