dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im six kinds of drunk right now
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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