Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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