I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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