sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize