I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
