WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There r osticjed everywhere
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
