Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell