You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.