How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.