She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
