the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
