oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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