So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
