I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
