"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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