I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
