My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
