Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
