pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
