the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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