i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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