Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
either way he was missing a nipple.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
