Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
whose parrot is this?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
