don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I AM VODKA MAN
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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