sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
