ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
