Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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