I'm jealous of your bromance
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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