the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Holy sore nipples Batman
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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