i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
