i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
