How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
