She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
