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• (503): View more from Oregon

  My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"

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• (903): View more from Texas

  her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.

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• (353): View more from

  Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.

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• (228): View more from Mississippi

  we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.

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