I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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