I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
