Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
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Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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