I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
