WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
