we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
