dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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