he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
