I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
