ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
