I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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