dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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