Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
