would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
