During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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