My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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