she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
