So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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