I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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