Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
