glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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