I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We named our party play list daddy issues
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
