I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
