You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
