And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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