babies were throwing up all over the place
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
