K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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