if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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