So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
