hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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