WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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