There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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