I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
