youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
