I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
