my phone needs a breathalizer
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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