Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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