Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize