The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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