if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
