Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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