U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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