get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
