i don't like sucking hair
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
