I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
there is puke in my bra ... again
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
