I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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