Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
