coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
