nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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