It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
