just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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