omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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