You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
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Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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